Seigaku Kindergarten
by xXnekuXx
Summary: The Seigaku gang became kindergartners and chaos explodes! Alternate Universe with some RyoSaku and TezukaxYumiko and OOC!


**Disclaimer: I don't own POT and the definitions are from wikipedia.**

**Warning: Some words are not suited for young audiences. Even with parental guidance. Cause I know your parents won't like it when they see their child reading something so pervy like this. :P Alternate Universe and major OOC-ness. **

**Characters: **

**Teacher=Tezuka and Yumiko(Fuji's sister)**

**Students=Ryoma, Sakuno, Tomoka, Horio, Kachiro, Katsuo, Momo, Eiji, Fuji, Kaidoh, Inui, Kawamura**

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><p><strong>Seigaku Kindergarten<strong>

**1st Period: Mathematics - came from the Greek word "mathema" which means in Ancient Greek **_**what one learns, what one gets to know **_**and in modern Greek just lesson **

It was math time, the dreaded subject showed up first to torture poor little kids. Who the heck thought up this twisted schedule? Making math the first subject. The poor children would die early in the morning all because of putting math as the first subject. Anyway, so it was math. Yumiko was the one teaching.

"One male plus one female is equal to?" Yumiko was teaching the most basic addition since they are in kindergarten. Who would teach algebra or trigonometry or calculus to kindergartens.

Inui raised his hand and answered, "One baby." Yumiko faceplanted.

"Wow!" Momo uttered, amazed by Inui's smartness.

"Inui's so smart!" Eiji, also amazed, said.

"That's our Inui-senpai." Ryoma nodded with his eyes closed.

"No! That's not the right answer!" Yumiko flailed her arms around like a child.

Fuji raised his hand and answered, "Two babies?"

"That's right but you don't have to add babies." Yumiko massaged her temples and closed her eyes, wondering how children know that babies come from a male and female.

"Then why did you have to add the word male and female?" Ryoma bluntly asked.

Yumiko blinked, "I...don't know." Yumiko just got pawned.

**2nd Period: History - from the Greek word "historia" meaning inquiry, knowledge acquired by investigation **

It was Tezuka's turn to teach the children. He was explaining about theories of how the universe was made which is clearly not for kindergarten.

"There are many theories about the making of the universe. One theory is the Big Bang Theory wherein it states that the universe comes from a big explosion that also formed the stars, planets, sun, etc..." Tezuka explained in such a way that children would find it impossible to understand.

_'That's weird. It's too quiet.' _Tezuka looked around and saw that the children all have their books standing, covering their faces. _'They're reading right? Or maybe they're sleeping?' _Tezuka's eye twitched.

"20 laps around the school!"

Tezuka's loud voice woke up the children and all of them and I mean ALL of them fell off their seat.

**Recess - a break period **

"Ryoma-kun! Give me back my cherry!" Sakuno was running around the classroom chasing Ryoma who took her food for recess which is a cherry.

"Try and get it then." Ryoma teased running around the room away from Sakuno.

"My cherry!" Sakuno continues to chase after Ryoma and her cherry while Kawamura suddenly remembered something.

"I remember when I asked my mom how they made me, my mom said dad popped her cherry. I wonder what she meant?"

Momo stood on the table with fire burning in the background shouting, "Cherry means virginity!"

"Wow! Momo-chan-senpai knows a lot!" The ichinen trio chorused clearly amazed by Momo's not so smart answer.

"But what does virginity mean?" Tomoka asked.

Fuji answered this time, "It's when you didn't do sex yet."

"And sex is?" Eiji blinked.

Momo and Fuji chorused, "I...don't really know." They just got pawned.

Ryoma was tired of running and ate Sakuno's cherry. Sakuno saw this and cried, "You ate my cherry!"

Eiji shouted, "Sakuno-chan isn't a virgin anymore?"

"Eh?" Sakuno blushed.

Tomoka smacked Ryoma and scolded him saying, "You took Sakuno's cherry! Unforgivable!" While Ryoma just looked confused, _'What did I do?' _

**3rd Period: Science - came from the Latin word "scientia" meaning knowledge **

It was still Tezuka's turn to teach the children. He was now trying to explain something about trees in a way that children can understand.

"Trees are important because they provide us oxygen for us to live."

Eiji raised his hand wanting to ask Tezuka a question, "Tezusen~! How can we make more trees?"

"Don't call me Tezusen! 10 laps around the school during lunch!" Tezuka's vein popped. _'What disrespectful brats!' _

Ryoma answered Eiji's question instead of Tezuka, "Two trees pop cherries and make a baby tree."

"Ochibi's/Echizen's/Ryoma-kun's/Ryoma-sama's so smart!" The children chorused.

Tezuka twitched, "NO! We plant trees! They don't do sex!"

Momo widened his eyes and shouted, "Ah, sex! What does it mean sensei?"

"We were talking about it earlier at recess." Kawamura added.

"How old are these kids, really?" Tezuka muttered.

**4th Period: English - the body of rules that describe the structure of expressions in the English language. This includes the structure of words, phrases, clauses and sentences **

It was Yumiko's turn to teach now. "Were you all nice kids to Tezuka-sensei?" Yumiko smiled. Horio ran towards Yumiko and hugged her while rubbing his head to her 'something down there' spot.

"Tezuka-sensei made us run laps!" Horio fake cried. Yumiko patted Horio's head not minding or not realizing one bit that Horio is being perverted.

Tomoka said, "Horio just wants to rub his head on sensei's vagina."

Yumiko blushed and pushed Horio away, "You're too young to know things like that!"

Eiji interrupted whatever was going on and asked, "Sensei! Tezusen didn't answer what sex is when we asked. Answer it for us!"

"Eh? But you're still too young!" Yumiko blushed.

"Please!" The children begged with puppy eyes. Yumiko can't help but give in.

"The cuteness! Ok fine! Our lesson today is defining sex!"

"Yay!" Yumiko started to explain what sex is.

"Sex is legally done by married couple specifically a male and female. Sex has to be done to have a baby. It's when the male's...eel goes inside the female's...cave and the eel spurts cu- juice inside the cave." Yumiko blushed. Well that was awkward.

"Oh!" The children were amazed in learning a new word.

Oishi suddenly said something, "Does that mean Ryuzaki-san's gonna have a baby?"

"What?" Yumiko shrieked.

"Ryoma-sama did ate her cherry."

"But there was no eel or cave or juices." Sakuno muttered.

"That's right."

"What's wrong with this class?" Yumiko sweatdropped.

**Lunch - mid-day meal **

Sakuno tried her best to keep her lunch away from Ryoma in fear of him taking it again and eating it. Just then, Kawamura heard something weird inside the teacher's office.

"What's that noise?" Everyone gathered around the office, except Ryoma, to listen(*cough*eavesdrop*cough*).

"I know! They're popping each other's cherries!" Momo explained.

"You mean sex?" Eiji asked.

"Yeah!"

Ryoma just stared at his classmate's stupidity and pulls Sakuno away from them. "Better stay away. You'll catch their stupidity." The rest pressed their ears on the door and hears weird noises and for some unknown reason, they had nosebleeds.

"What happened to them?" Ryoma sweatdropped.

"Eek! Blood! Sensei!" Sakuno shrieked.

Yumiko opened the door and the children fell and she almost tripped on them. "What happened?"

"Nosebleed." Tezuka massaged his temples.

**5th Period: Music - an art form whose medium is sound and silence **

"Muahaha! Music is my specialty!" Momo exclaimed.

"No. If you sing, all things breakable will break." Kaidoh said.

"What did you say?" This is the start of Kaidoh and Momo's fight while Oishi tried hard to stop them.

"I have two days of singing experience." Horio bragged but Kachiro and Katsuo ignored him.

"Be awed by my glorious singing!" Tomoka shouted.

"You're sounding like Atobe-san from Hyotei kindergarten Tomo-chan."

"I'm sorry children. We aren't singing today." Yumiko said with an apologizing face.

"Eh?" The children chorused, clearly disappointed.

"We'll be playing instruments."

Sakuno got the triangle, Tomoka and Horio got the horn, Kachiro and Katsuo got the violin, Ryoma, Momo, and Eiji got the guitar, Kaidoh and Fuji got the flute, Oishi and Inui got the piano while Kawamura got the drums. But when Kawamura picked up the drum stick, Kawamura turned into burning mode!

"BURNING! I WILL PLAY THIS INSTRUMENT WITH ENERGY!" Kawamura started banging the poor stick on the drums making a very loud noise. The others were so amazed and started playing their own instruments. The guitar team strung their guitars and strings broke during the process. The violin team also broke strings. Oishi and Inui banged their hands on the piano and some strings inside snapped. Kaidoh and Fuji played their flute with Kaidoh looking like a snake charmer. Sakuno also played her instrument but it wasn't too loud. The horn team played and it sounds like it was louder than the drums.

"Stop! Stop! You're too loud! Play moderately, moderately!" Yumiko tried to stop them but her efforts were fruitless and with the noise, the windows, mirrors, and everything breakable breaks.

**6th Period: Arts - used to refer to any skill or mastery **

Tezuka was in a bad mood. It seems his ears broke down upon hearing the previous period's noise. "Work as a team and draw anything you like."

After a while, the children were finished with whatever they were drawing.

"Sensei! We drew you!"

Tezuka was slightly touched that his students care enough for him to draw him. He took a look at the picture and saw a horrible drawing of an eel and beside it were the words "Tezuka-sensei's eel" going inside Yumiko's cave which is literally a drawing of a cave. Tezuka bowed down so his eyes were not seen and he muttered, "I want to quit my job."

**7th Period(?): Homeroom - the classroom session in which a teacher records attendance and makes announcements **

"Class, go back to your seats. I'm gonna check the attendance."

But the children didn't listen except Sakuno. They were talking loudly and laughing crazily. Kawamura was in his burning mode which made things worse and some were even talking about pervy things. Tomoka was also being a bad influence to Sakuno by telling her to not listen to the teacher. Ryoma just sighed at his classmate's stupidity and craziness.

Tezuka's vein popped, "Everyone! Shut the fuck up!"

The children immediately stopped making noise and stared at Tezuka.

Oishi broke the silence by asking, "What does fuck mean?"

Inui answered, reading from his notebook, "It means inserting a male organ to a female organ."

Momo bluntly added, "Inserting a penis to a vagina."

"Right." The children then laughed.

"How did you know all those?" Kaidoh asked.

"We have our ways." Inui and Momo's eyes glinted dangerously and the others felt something that it's better not to know how they know.

Yumiko smacked Tezuka and scolded him, "Stupid! You contaminated their minds!"

**Dismissal - HOME! **

The bell rang signalling dismissal and upon hearing it, the children rejoiced.

Momo shouted, "My favorite subject!"

"It's not even a subject." Kaidoh muttered and they fight again with Oishi trying to stop them again.

"FREEDOM!" Tomoka and Horio chorused.

They all ran towards the door but with their number, they all got stuck and couldn't get out.

"Nya Momo! Stop pushing me!"

"But Mamushi's pushing me!"

"I'm not!"

"Ryoma-kun you pervert! Where are you touching?"

"Let me out already!"

Everyone pushed and they finally got out and all fell on the ground. "OUCH!"

"FREEDOM!" Tomoka and Horio ran but they tripped on a rock. Momo followed after but tripped on them. Everyone else ran and tripped on the person before them causing a domino effect. "ARGH!"

Yumiko and Tezuka stare at the scene before them.

"They really are idiots."

"They're still kids. They'll grow up someday."

**End **

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><p><strong>AN: I wrote that story a long time ago using myself and my friends as characters. Me and my friends are kind of pervy so this happened. Sorry for the perviness and the random moments but nevertheless, hope you had fun reading it! RxR!**


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